Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Becoming What He Needs

Warning:  This one is coming from a place of trials.

I'm really not sure what God is trying to teach us right now.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that someday we will look back at this time and be amazed at how He got us through it and we might even know what we were to learn from it, maybe we won't know the latter this side of Heaven.  The former is what keeps me going some days.  

The past month has been one full of ups and downs.  Trying to support Kev through some seriously big hurdles our family has had to face.  One month ago give or take, he was told that the radio show he works for had to downsize and he would be losing his job.  SLAP IN THE FACE!  This job was such a huge blessing to our family no, not financially but it did pay the bills and allow Kev the freedom to do his graduate school work and then was a way for him to keep right on working through all of the medical issues the last year has presented us with.  It was such a blow because we were depending on him being able to do this job all the way through the transplant process.  All he needed was the internet and a computer.  

During this trying time, a sweet friend of mine announced her family would be moving away which would open up a position at our church in children's ministry.  After weeks of praying, wondering, putting in my name, I was called by our Pastor to have a chat about the position.  I went into it prepared to interview, but alas it was just a chat about me taking on the job and offering me the position all in like 15 minutes.  That felt good, to be entrusted with this position solely on others talking to him about me and my involvement within the church already.  It was a good boost of confidence for me.  I am now the Early Childhood Director at our church.  I am in charge of anything involving children 0-5 years old.  I have started but I officially take over the reigns next week.  Right now I'm shadowing the current director and helping out as needed.

Then we have faced a complete stop in the transplant process and aren't sure what is going on.  Our current donor is very frustrated as they want to move forward quickly.  We have made some phone calls and seem to have someone who will mediate between our donor and the coordinator.  Just please pray that this situation will resolve itself and the process can begin and move swiftly.

We are also facing an insurance debacle which I am so thankful that Kevin is handling and getting it all worked out.  We have an insurance counselor through the dialysis center who is helping him figure out what is going on and working through disability income with him.  Going through this process has really opened our eyes to what a mess the system really is.  Thankfully we have people in our corner who are willing and able to help us through it.  I really feel for the people who are trying to figure this out on their own.  I don't think you could especially right now with all of the changes happening.

To say that we are ready for things to go smoothly is quite an understatement.  Yesterday I was riding with a friend who was sharing what she is facing right now and I had this light bulb moment.   Light build moments for me are usually things I know and no that deep but exactly what I need to hear in that exact moment.  I heard in my head, "I need you to go through these things, these trials so you will become what I need you to be."  Not deep, not a huge revelation but I heard it as clear as day in my head and know that God was speaking to me in that very moment.  

That revelation doesn't make it easier as we face these truly difficult circumstances but it does offer me a sense of hope…relief…peace.  I'm not sure I know exactly which word to use there but I feel better about this stuff.  I trust it will work itself out because we have to face it for some reason.  We will be better for it, our kids will too.  We will grow, so much that it seems our seams will burst if we have to grow anymore.  

It is especially hard to see your husband so distraught and worried and down trodden though.  I pray that this chapter will end soon and a chapter full of new beginnings and joy and good health will be written out soon for my little family.  Until then I will remind myself that we need to go through this for His purposes.  Who knows who our story is affecting and changing?  What a responsibility that is.  I need to go through this with His grace and His courage.  I tend to make a mess of what He wants with my impatience, selfishness, and even my anger.  I need to lay that all down and focus on grace and courage.  

Hope this wasn't too much.  I just needed to get it off my chest and record it so I would remember the words I heard yesterday and how they affected me.  

Thank you to everyone again for all of your prayer and encouragement.  You are being used in great ways in our lives and the lives of others!

1 comment:

Joy ☺ said...

Awww. How I love you dear friend.